So I know it’s only been a few hours since my last post, but I need a minute to wrap my head around some shit before I attempt to interact with other humans here shortly, so here we are.

I’m part of my college’s Gay/Straight Alliance, and we’ve just had a meeting about the drag race that we’re putting on the week after spring break. The idea of recruiting students to take part came up, and we’re really looking to pull in some unexpected performers, mainly students that are big on super masculine sports. After all, having a gay/straight alliance without any straight people in it is as counterproductive as the television show Black-ish. Weirdly, I’m the one in the alliance with the most connections to the football team, so I’ve been reaching out to a lot of them trying to see if they’d be interested/willing to do this. I’ve watched these men do some of the stupidest shit I’ve ever seen, and this includes diving headfirst into a pile of sand while yelling “#HickLife!”, so the idea that they might be afraid of embarrassing themselves literally never crossed my mind. That’s exactly the issue I’m having though. None of them want to participate, and it’s not just because this isn’t their thing, it’s because they don’t want to put that image of themselves out there.

Someone please explain this to me, because it’s making zero sense. You’re willing to be seen as having an IQ of 17, but you won’t wear a dress? That’s the line? I genuinely don’t understand. Has the American standard for being masculine once you’ve identified as male become so entrenched in their heads that they can’t associate themselves with something like this? What the actual fuck? And it never crossed my mind because NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT. That’s a huge thing, not just in America, but everywhere. This whole practice of sweeping uncomfortable things under the rug and then never dealing with them. The issue here, though, is that the things under the rug are rules, and even if you can’t talk about them, you’re expected to follow them, with some pretty major social fallout threatened for those who don’t. What absolute bullshit. What dickwad started that trend?

Half of my friends are just now figuring out that I’m not straight, and apparently this is because I’m perceived as straight, despite the fact that none of the people talking about it have ever discussed it with me. I honestly think part of it is that people want to know, they’re fascinated with the community and everyone in it, but society’s made it to where it’s not okay to ask questions or even really acknowledge the community in a way that’s not invalidating everything we are. Hell, even The L Word had that issue with Jenny. I love love love that they tried to embrace the idea of a woman exploring her sexuality, especially since it was so late in her life and ran with the idea that it’s never too late to get to know yourself, but she damn sure would not have been fucking another man while engaged, so the fact that she was sleeping with Marina and seeing that as alright because it was ‘experimentation’ was fucked up. It makes all lesbian relationships seem illegitimate, and can be used to play into the idea that girl-on-girl relationships only occur because straight men are super into it. It also makes it seem alright for exploring your sexuality to be treated like a game, particularly for women in college. Yeah, I get that you’re testing the waters and trying to figure out whether or not you’re straight, but I’m an actual person, not just your first lesbian experience. And I’m definitely not something you can blame on the alcohol.

Nine out of ten times, if a girl is making out with another girl at a party, no matter the state of intoxication, they walked into that with the idea already in their heads, this fixation on the thoughts that A) it’s a college party and guys find it hot so it’s fine and B) if I’m not into it or I don’t wanna actually come out yet I can say that it was because I was drunk. Well, let me explain you a thing: I’M A FUCKING PERSON. I’m not just some social experiment, and I’m not experimenting, so if I’m flirting with you, I mean it! I’m throwing pick-up lines out there because I’m trying to pick you up! I mean, for fuck’s sake, how obvious do I have to be?

And a little side note: the girls who are only gay when they’re drunk are a massive part of the rationale behind the invalidation of bisexuality. People who identify as bisexual aren’t the noncommittal gays, you are, so suck it up and keep all of your bullshit to yourself, because contributing to issues like that makes you a douchecanoe of heroic proportions. You’re not just going through a phase anymore, you’re a dick. Congratulations!

Steele