Oh yes, this is going to be exactly the type of post you think it is, and that’s because I’ve spent a good portion of today (probably the majority, if I’m honest) thinking about all of my kinks and those of the people around me. I admittedly take pretty serious issue with the sexual repression visible in just about every inch of America, mainly because I don’t understand it, and can’t relate to it. I do simple photoshoots with my friend Devon, in which I’m mostly unclothed and occasionally covered in oil, and during these shoots, when I change outfits or take off my bra or whatnot he constantly looks away, and reminds me that I can ask him to turn around, but the thing is, I genuinely don’t give a singular fuck. It’s a body, one I’m sure that each and every one of us above the age of 15 has seen before in some capacity, whether it’s from bumping uglies or a high school biology class (preferably not in that god awful Miracle of Life movie), so I have absolutely no reservations. Other than the small scar on my stomach from accidentally stabbing myself in the brownie cutting incident of 2016, shame has no relation to my body. Yeah, I’ve got stretch marks, I’m not as thin as I’d like to be, and my awkward persona on top of all that makes for some pretty interesting photos a lot of the time, but I there’s zero humiliation involved. This is probably the European in me saying half this shit, because she specializes in nude beaches. The reason I’m telling you all this is because someone seriously needs to get the point across to the masses of the USA, and I’m not just talking about body confidence, but that’s step 1. I’m here to discuss the sexy time.

I make a habit of taking the online BDSM test (bdsmtest.com for anyone interested), because I want to make sure that I stay familiar with myself and know what I want. It’s worked out hella fucking well, because now that I know what I want, I can communicate that information to my partner, instead of faking an orgasm – WHICH HELPS FUCKING NO ONE.

DEAR PEOPLE EVERYWHERE

NEVER FAKE AN ORGASM. NEVER. IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOU, IT’S NOT GOOD FOR THEM. IF WHAT THEY’RE DOING ISN’T WORKING, MAKE THAT SHIT A TEACHABLE MOMENT, AND BE A GODSEND FOR EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT THEY SLEEP WITH IN THE FUTURE. DO NOT BE A USELESS HO, HELP THE FUTURE HOS IN NEED.

In the spirit of encouraging honesty about this shiznit, I’m gonna be honest about mine, so here are today’s results, and I’ll include a brief explanation to make sure we’re all on the same page.

100% Brat
100% Switch
100% Rope bunny
98% Brat tamer
90% Submissive
87% Experimentalist
86% Primal (prey)
84% Masochist
83% Boy/Girl
78% Ageplayer
71% Daddy/Mommy
69% Master/Mistress
66% Dominant
62% Rigger
61% Voyeur
60% Primal (hunter)
58% Slave
52% Degrader
47% Pet
45% Sadist
44% Exhibitionist
41% Owner
18% Vanilla
18% Degradee
0% Non-monogamist

So, in summary, a submissive is someone who likes to be dominated and controlled during sex, whereas a dominant is the opposite. A brat is a type of submissive, but they like to be forced into submission, instead of doing so spontaneously, and enjoy talking back to their partners, and a brat tamer can be extrapolated from there. A rope bunny is someone that likes to be physically restrained during sex, and a rigger is someone who likes tying the knots of those restraints. An experimentalist is someone who’s willing to try anything once, even if they don’t think they’ll enjoy it. Boy/girl and age player are pretty similar, in that both involve dressing and acting as a different age than you are, with the main difference being that boy/girl is specifically younger than you are and being gently instructed through sex. Daddy/mommy matches well with boy/girl, in that they take on a more nurturing role in the sexual relationship and do the instructing. Master/mistress is someone that likes to be addressed formally, and obeyed during sex. An exhibitionist is someone that likes having other people watch them have sex, and a voyeur is someone that enjoys watching others have sex. Someone who is primal hunter likes to feel, obviously, like someone hunting the other person during sex, and prey is someone who likes to feel hunted. A slave is someone who likes to be completely owned and submissive during sex, even to the point of being treated like exactly that, a slave. A pet likes to be treated like a pet during sex, which can include being petted or eating out of a bowl, and an owner is the person who controls the pet. A sadist is someone who likes inflicting pain, and a masochist is someone who enjoys having pain inflicted on them. A degrader is someone who likes to treat the other person with little or no respect, and even enjoys insulting them, whereas a degradee likes being treated that way and spoken to that way. A vanilla is someone without any particular kinks and sticks mainly to plain sex. A non-monogamist is someone who enjoys polyamorous relationships or sleeping with more than one person, either at one time or separately.